So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
