Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
