im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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