and you said cock pushups were impossible
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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