I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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