I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
