he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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