that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
