Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
