After last night, I could never be a politician.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Life without a bra equals bliss.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
