wrigley field is MILF paradise
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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