he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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