new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
