Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
