hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
