try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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