Nicole vs. Life
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
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