So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
