You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
