cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
