But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
