I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
