so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
