The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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