I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
