Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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