i just wanna soil my oats bro
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
