I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
