we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
