We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
this boner is exhausting
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
