sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
