im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
