haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
