he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
