he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
