Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
