After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
