Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
