Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
