My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
