am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
