Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
