His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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