i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
