Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
How external is "for external use only"?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
