Soap is not a condiment
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm at about main and main street
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize