Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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