if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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