I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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