i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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