i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
