I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
