proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
