You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
