we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
