I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
