At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
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