WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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