I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
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