dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
