Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
