I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
