I wish I could teleport
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
