Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
