(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You took a bar mat shot.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
