Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
