CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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