Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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